The loose Tooth

This a story that I wrote in 8th grade. Tell me what you think of it and what I could do to improve it.

The Loose Tooth

In the town of Cheeseville lived a family of five. There were two girls named Sarah and Ashlee, their brother Mike, and their mom and dad. Ashlee, Sarah and Mike loved to play soccer. They were even on the same team. One day they were playing a soccer game. The score was 6 to 5 with 15 seconds left. They were loosing. Ashlee had the ball, she passed it to Mike, he passed it to Sarah and all of a sudden, ‘Smack’. They all ran into each other. “Oww,” they screamed. Score! The other team just made a point. The game was over. The score was 5 to 7, they lost. As they were driving home Ashlee felt her teeth and one of them were loose. “Ahh,” she screamed, “my tooth is loose!” “It’s ok,” said mom. “That’s good because you will get money if you put in under your pillow,” said Mike. “Wow, that’s awesome,” said Sarah.

When they got home and changed their clothes, Ashlee was curious about her loose tooth so she went to ask Mike about it. “Mike,” she said, “tell me about my loose tooth.” “Well,” said Mike, “the tooth fairy will come in the middle of the night and she will take the tooth that you put under your pillow. She replaces it with some money,” said Mike. “Really, how much?” asked Ashlee. “Well it depends on the tooth,” said Mike. “I am going to pull it out right now,” said Ashlee.
“Mom will you pull out my tooth?” asked Ashlee. “Sure, but only if it’s ready,” said mom. “It has to be!” exclaimed Ashlee. “It’s stuck!” mom said. “What?” asked Ashlee. “Honey, I’m sorry but you will just have to wait until it’s ready,” said mom. “I don’t want to wait,” said Ashlee, “I’ll just tie a string to my tooth and connect it to the door knob and then pull.” So Ashlee got some string and Sarah to help her shut the door. She tried it, but it didn’t work. It just hurt really badly. She thought since it hurt it was looser so she tried having Sarah punch her in the face, but that hurt even more. She finally gave up and decided to go downstairs to have a snack.

Ashlee decided to have an apple. After that she went to talk with her dad. Ashlee asked, “Dad, when do loose teeth come out?” Dad said, “It depends on how loose your tooth is. Let me wiggle it so I can see how loose it is.” “Ok!” Ashlee exclaimed. “What tooth is it?” said dad. “It’s the tooth on the top, to the left,” said Ashlee. “There’s no tooth there,” he said, “it already fell out.” Ashlee said, “Wow, how…oh my goodness where do you think it went? Oh… my apple. It’s probably in my apple.” She hurried and ran downstairs into the kitchen. “My tooth,” she said, “I’m going to put it under my pillow right now”, said Ashlee.

The next day she woke up early and found $5.00 under her pillow. Ever since then she always looked forward to the next time she would have a loose tooth.